The Honourable Fool

Funny Meme

2009-01-28T19:12:22Z

Yess! I totally stole this from yacoba ! Most excellence!

1. Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
2. Turn to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post that sentence along with these instructions in your LiveJournal.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

//Ahem//

"Let him die; but first sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house, a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her."

o.o //laughs// that incredibly amuses me!

Games, Girls and Guy! (Oh My!)

2009-01-18T17:50:45Z

Ok, so this is me trying to be more of a consistent poster and failing! woot!

So I've been watching a lot of Narnia lately. Shadow, too. When I'm sitting on the couch watching TV he likes to come lay half on my lap before slowly rolling down to my feet. Finally he gives up and lays down at the other end, all curled up and Furry and cute! I love my baby! But yes, for some reason I'm obsessed with Prince Caspian! And it's not just that I think Ben Barnes is cute and has nice hair! (I'm a sucker for a guy with a nice head of hair) I don't know. Something in the theme keeps getting me choked up and makes me come back and watch it again and again. I guess it's just the idea that they were there, they lived their lives in that place, and then went home. And now that they're back... Nothing's the same. Everything's more... grownup. And I haven't done that. I haven't moved on. I haven't left. I'm still living in the same house, the same room, that I've lived in since I was born. Well, I slept in the little room when I had a crib, but as soon as I got a bed I moved into this room.

I don't know. That's not entirely right. I've also been watching Gilmore Girls like there's no tomorrow. I have season 7, baby, in my hands! I just have to finish season 5 (I'm still on disc three there, so about halfway), re-watch all of season 6, and then I'm home free! I've also discovered on my new Batman game that each level is two-fold and you can play the second half of it as the villains! It's fantastic! But I'm a little disappointed. I finally got to Lego Catwoman and she was disappointingly easy to beat. But adorable!

Oh well. Gotta go! Dinner.

NaNo WriMo Endings and Beginnings!!

2008-11-30T19:29:37Z

I finally checked out the NaNo WriMo site today. It's pretty damn interesting. I signed up for it, though at this point I'm not to sure what the, uh, point is. I'm gonna have to wait another year to participate. Anyways, I wanted to see it and... Oh, you may not know what it is, huh? Well, it is the National November Writing Month. Yea. It's ending today. But my friend posted that she actually finished pretty early this year and she posted a link to the site. So I said, "Why not?" It looks fairly interesting. And fairly intense. And it's made me want to write.

The need to write is very funny. It's like this itch in my brain that spreads to my fingers... This itchy fire that moves in my veins till it's tickling my entire body with the need. And somehow just typing this isn't enough. I want to write, though I don't know what to write. Should I make up something new? I need a prompt. Someone gimme a prompt... How about Night life? That's the week 4 prompt that I didn't make it to. That's a good place to start.

Night Life

Night life....

Hmmmmmmm.............

TTFN
Fool

P.S. I know I haven't updated in ages and I will soon. But I'm gonna go see about this itch first.

Week 3

2008-11-22T12:17:56Z

Now if this isn't cutting it close, I don't know what is! This is Week 3 for the brigits_flame contest (I know, can you believe it?!) and the prompt was Limelight. I'm sure you will all be able to tell where the inspiration for this came from. It's not my best piece, but this topic has consumed my soul for the past week and, well, it's hard to write about and very sensitive. I took details from real life, but they're all twisted into fiction so don't worry about hurting my feelings. Please critique and criticize just as you always would. Thanks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

‘Oh, I hate this. I hate this so much! I’m not even Catholic! Oh crap! Oh holy crap! What the bloody hell was I thinking? Oh crap! Okay, breathe! Just remember to breathe!’

One more time, I looked up at the podium before me. Why did it have to be so complicated? It was beautiful, sure, but it was as if God had made it exactly so that now I would trip and fall. It was tall and beautiful, a small “tower” rising from the floor, all carved wood. The front of it was intricately cut into stalactites and -mites that were all tiered and made to look, well, heavenly. Faintly, angels and cherubs could be seen floating around the scene, as if the little carved “windows” really looked onto heaven. Curving beautifully around the side was a polished wooden staircase with a gorgeous carved railing. Normally I might have been impressed with such a piece of craftsmanship, even within a Church, but right now all I could see was the tight winding of those narrow, tall steps; steps that I would have to be climbing soon.

Surely this was completely disastrous. What a horrible idea. I should never have agreed to this. What was I thinking?

I jumped as a hand landed on mine, and a moment later a soft voice was breathing into my ear. “Are you alright?”

Slowly, delicately, I released the breath that I’d forgotten I was holding. “Mm-hmm.” I hummed back quietly, nodding my head.

“You sure? You’re shaking like a leaf.”

It was true. The page clamped between my hands was rattling faintly with my trembling. Curses! It was bad enough I was nervous about being in the limelight. Add shaking to my natural born talent for clumsiness, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster. It would be funny, if the occasion were not so solemn.

With some difficulty, I managed to release the paper from my death grip, laying it safely across my lap. Only when I had managed to fold my hands firmly on top of it did I allow myself to look up at him. His water blue eyes were bright and clear, as they always were when he looked at me. But beneath his slightly frowning brow, they shone with worry.

“Will you be alright?” he asked, and I knew what he meant.

I took a few breaths before trying my voice. It was a bit higher than I remembered. “‘Course I will be. Don’t you have any faith?”

I saw him smother a chuckle as he said, “Funny, I thought that was your problem.”

The raise of my eyebrows applauded his new-found ability to use words with double meaning, and for a moment I almost smiled.

Almost.

In truth, I had never been more nervous in my life. In high school my worst fear was that, with my good grades, I would end up being Valedictorian and would have to stand in front of, not only the 200 something members of my class, but their families and friends and the teachers and kids from school... Luckily, I only ended up in the top ten, not being an over achiever, and didn’t even have to sit on the stage. And now I was sitting in my parents’ old Church, waiting to stand up in front of everyone I knew, everyone they knew, and everyone who ever knew my grandmother and read. Why the holy hell did I agree to this?

The mass was progressing without my notice, and my time was coming up soon. Instead of watching the robed priest that sat in a stately manner before us, I let my eyes fall to the folded rectangle before me. It seemed so innocent, but I knew it was my doom. Whatever compelled me to agree to this? I mean, yes I was the logical choice as the writer in the family, but that only made sense to a point. Everyone knew how much of a klutz I was without the assistance of so many eyes and a pair of three inch heels.

As if he knew my thoughts (and considering how well he knew me, he probably did) he leaned over again and whispered. “You’ll be fine. Just remember, you’re doing this for her.”

From the corner of my eye I saw him nod to a small table that sat in front of the altar. Swallowing, I followed his quiet gaze until I saw her again. The table was plain, unadorned save for the lace cloth that draped unevenly over it. In one corner, facing the congregation, sat a tall photo in fading colors. I remembered that it was dated 1952, the same year my father was born. She wasn’t going to give birth to my mother for another nine years. Beside the photo sat the squat little urn. The white and navy background was swirled with silver and gold that came together in faintly flower-like shapes and gleamed under the lights of the Church.

I did not look too long at the urn (it baffled me how such a woman could fit into that tiny “vase”) but at the picture beside it. She was still young in it, only about 32 years old, but already her face was beginning to fold along those familiar lines that defined my grandmother, my Grammy. She defied description.

“And now, I’d like to give a moment for Rita’s granddaughter, Alice, to come forward and say a few words.”

My heart thrummed in my throat at the priest’s words, and I felt a familiar squeeze of my fingers before he released me. My knees shook as I stood carefully, resting my hand on the pew, and suddenly I was very aware of the hundred or so eyes upon the back of my head. Taking a steadying breath, I looked one more time at my grandmother, and suddenly I remembered. I remembered her love and her strength, and her unwavering confidence in myself and in all of my cousins. She had always encouraged me along this path, this dangerous path of writing, even when my own parents had only doubts. This was my final gift to her, the only thing I could give in honour of all she had given me. After all, what were a few minutes of horrible, torturous limelight compared to a lifetime of love and compassion?

My steps were unusually steady as I walked up to the podium, my heels unbearably loud in the silence as the eyes followed me. Up the curving stairs, my hand lighting on the rail, and into the bright lights and the hundred eyes. I remembered what she said and looked over them instead of right at them. In my head, I thought, ‘This is for you, Grammy.’

“Hello,”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alright, as always, please tell me what you think. Thanks.

In memorium: April 16, 1920 - November 17, 2008

Fool

Week 2

2008-11-14T15:56:35Z

Ach! OMG! I almost forgot to finish this! Well, here it is. My week 2 entry for brigits_flame . The prompt was Dine. Tell me what you think!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Please, help yourself. Take whatever you wish.”

My little stowaway gave me a strange look from behind her slanted bangs. She was, perhaps, fourteen or fifteen and certainly did not belong on the side of the dark road I found her on with a sign claiming a single direction in a sporadic scrawl; “North”. I gave her one better offer when I stopped beside her outstretched thumb; “shelter”. At first she had given me the same look she was giving me now, of utter befuddlement. She probably had not imagined her luck was such that a handsome, well-to-do man in an humble Audi would be the one to offer her anything she would be inclined to accept.

Her strange answer, after taking in the warm interior of my car, had been, “But I’m all wet.”

She blushed immediately at the possible double meaning of her words, but I laughed them off gently. “After standing here gods know how long in the pouring rain it seems foolish of me to expect anything less.”

My logic was accepted, of course, and she agreed to my offer of food and a warm bed. On the way to my home, she filled the small space with the story of her journey, describing the different people she’d met on the way, and talking about her ultimate destination; Alaska. She wanted to live in a world of snow and ice, where every day she awoke to a white kingdom of frozen beauty. Her words were almost poetic, save for the common speech that connected them.

Angela, as I found she was called, was even more amazed upon seeing my home.

“Who’d ya have to kill to get a place like this?” she muttered in the large entryway.

Her voice was low, as if she did not intend for me to hear it, so it surprised her when I said, “Henry Higgins.”

For a moment her small brown eyes doubled in size, the first tendrils of fear and panic playing around the edges of her face. But then she laughed, nearly doubling over with a loud snort. “That’s that guy from that movie, right? The one with that actress everyone goes all crazy about? Andrea something…”

“Audrey Hepburn.” I corrected.

“Yea. My mom used to make me watch it when I was a kid. It was so boring.” She turned away from me as she said this, so I didn’t have to try to hide my smirk. After all, she needn’t know how close to the truth my words truly were.

It was sometime after her shower that she returned to me, short damp hair held back in a camouflage bandana, and I heard the low, early warning signs of hunger emanating from her stomach. I smirked and led her without explanation to my large kitchen, unused appliances glistening in the too-bright light. I strayed in the shadowed doorway as I invited her to take what she wanted from my suddenly well-stocked fridge and had to chuckle at her response.

“Like, anything?”

“Anything you would like.”

Again she turned wide eyes towards the contents of the tall silver box, a clear debate ranging through her mind. Imperceptibly, I caught her rocking back and forth with the opposing arguments. Clearly, I appeared to be insane. Either that or I had an agenda that would, more than likely, not turn out well for her. Then again, she was hungry and thus far I had tried nothing to harm her nor take her things. Soon enough the inevitable decision was made and she dove in with both hands to grab whatever came first.

As she dumped her stash onto the island in the center of the room she looked up almost sheepishly and asked, “Is there anything I can get you?” I watched as her hand was already bringing a ripe pear to her lips even as she asked this oh-so politely.

The laugh peeled from my lips with the thunderous force of Gothic church bells and for a moment she seemed rather alarmed. I calmed myself quickly and spoke in my normal velvet tones, “No, there is hardly anything there that could tempt my hunger.”

This certainly confused her. “I don’t get it. Why is it here in your fridge if you don’t even like it?”

I knew the smooth smile that spread across my features would allay all her fears, and sure enough she sighed, her frown melting away as she gazed at my face. “You need not worry about that. Take your fill, then feel free to roam my house. It is yours tonight. You know your room. Goodnight.”

“Wait!” She called as I turned from the truth-bearing light into the shadows. “What’s your name?”

But I didn’t answer. Tonight, she would eat and sleep in my home, and tomorrow she would be on the first plane to Juneau. She would not see me again, and that was as it should be. She was just lucky that nothing in that kitchen could tempt my appetite, for all that was there was far too young and innocent.

Within minutes of leaving my home I was in the city stalking shadows, listening to the words they thought no one could hear. But I could hear them. I knew what lay in their hearts, and as I listened I felt the thirst growing within me. It thrummed in my dry veins till every nerve ached with it and I found my meal. This was where I dined.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yes, please tell me what you think! I love feedback!

TTFN
Fool

Fuddin Bags, Fuddin Puppas, and Fuddin Sickness!

2008-11-11T01:12:25Z

Hot damn, do I feel sucky! I'm super sick again, I can't breath, I'm coughing, my throat's soar, and I have so much fluid in me I half feel like I'm drowning on dry land. I'm also all bloaty from that oh-so-special women's time we always get. Add that to the fact I half threw my back out last night from sneezing... yea. I knew I was gonna sneeze big so I twisted around to grab a tissue and, in this awkward position, I mega sneezed rather violantly and totally felt something go pop and start aching. Oh, right, I mega sneezed twice before I could change positions. Yup. Fun. Or not... yep. So right now I'm sitting at home watching Moulin Rouge and working on the fuddin puppa.

Oh, so you know how in my last post I wrote about M and I said she was in the clear? Well, she's not. Yea.

KK. I love Ewin Mcgregor. And I also really like my Bo. Just throwing that out there. But I'm a fucking hermit again now. I need to fix that. Ooh! That fuddin Duke!

Right, so I'm making the puppet for Fuddy Meers. Sara's doing the head and I've got the clothing. It's a real bitch. But it looks cool.

And I keep checking my friends page to see if I made it into the second round for once. Of course, in this one only one person is being eliminated, and it would be just my luck to be that one person. Oh well.

So, I started this entry in the middle of the day, and it is now after 8:00. I think I'm gonna go now. Just because. And because I don't have a nice long day off tomorrow to finish stupid little puppet head over there like I thought I did. Tim wants it done for noon tomorrow. Which he did not tell us. If i had known that I wouldn't have waisted time catching up on sleep yesterday and would have gotten more done on him. Dem fuddin puppa! Remind me to never volunteer for anything again.

... I'm just being pissy. That tends to happen to me during my period. And I miss Bo. I didn't get to see him today. Dem fuddin bag! And I need to stop talking in Gerdy speak! //breaths hard// Ok, I'm gonna go now. Bye.

TTFN
Fool

November Week One

2008-11-07T15:51:38Z

Spring echoed in the woods around him. Trees towering above painted the light green as he listened. A bird sang softly in the distance, trilling a delicate melody of joy. Rascal rolled onto his side, pink tongue dangling from his teeth as a wounded soldier might, waiting for that second wind. Things seemed so peaceful and perfect in this place that it almost made the past seem a dream. But in the woody halls stretching before him endlessly, as if time had never touched them, a nightmare lay.

It was the kind of scene that, had he written it or seen it in a movie, it would have been a dark and stormy night, lightening ripping the sky open and rain beating their heads into submission. But it wasn’t. The day had been bright as it was now, crows chattering somewhere annoyingly, but clear and warm. Early leaves had already left their homes to paint the forest floor and the last fingers of summer played around the edges of their ears even as they stood bundled in jackets. He could feel them all standing around him, with him, their silent presence like shadows that linger over the living though the dead have long passed.

The dog rolled onto his feet, nose and eyes fixed on the nearby bush, and let loose a bark. Stumbling to his feet, Jason looked quickly about him, hands up and words of defense ready on his lips. His wide eyes locked on the squirrel Rascal had startled out of hiding and slowly the sound of his heart beating in his own ears settled and returned to its normal place reverberating around his chest.

A trembling in his fingers betrayed his calm as he brushed his short hair back. For a moment he was almost surprised not to find the long locks of his youth, but then he had to remind himself that that was all long ago. It had been years since he had even seen one of those guys, never mind spoken to them. And yet…

And yet 15 years later here he was, in the woods were it had happened. When he was a boy this place had seemed like a wonderland secluded from the real world, and he and his friends had spent every possible moment here. Not far from where he stood he could now hear the sounds of the real world steadily encroaching upon what was once a haven, traffic softly hissing on damp pavement rudely reminding him that this place had changed. It hadn’t been a haven for anyone in a long time.

The leaves around his feet were flattened by the recent weight of the snow. Looking at the sodden yellow and dull brown of them, he could almost imagine a small area where a body might have lain. The boy’s limbs would have trembled like his fingers, like the last leaves of autumn in a soft breeze, his pants smudged with dirt. He could see the twigs sticking in the thick black hair as though he’d just had a good leaf throwing fight. But that was not what it had been.

Nassr had begged a hundred times to be allowed into their games, but they never let him. His parents spoke strange and Jason could remember his own mother muttering about them that September. Nassr ate weird food, not American food, and his mother wore a scarf on her head. They never played with him, not until Tom decided to say yes. He said they would just play Sheriffs and Outlaws. He said it would be fun. He even let Nassr play the outlaw.

Rascal crashed through the underbrush, jumping onto his master as he bounded by and almost knocking him over.

“Down!” Jason hollered reflexively, and the dog recoiled. He said a moment later and bent to pat the mutt’s head. “I’m sorry, boy. It’s not you, it’s just…” The words stuck in his throat as he looked around. Distantly, he heard the faint crashing of children through the old leaves and the echoes of their laughter almost sounded to him like the cries of a boy in pain, pleading and apologizing, but desperate for the game to be over.

And then it was gone again. “C’mon, boy. I need a drink.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So no preamble on this one. And no title. This is kind of last minute as I was so incredibly busy I nearly forgot, but I got it in on time. Tell me what you think, I love to hear it.

Oh, and for my friends, this is my brigits_flame entry for November week 1. The prompt was Wine. Not a lot of wine in it, but somehow this is just what I came up with. Anyways, yes. Feedback now, please! ^__^

Fool

Flash Fiction Contest

2008-11-05T23:31:02Z

I was gonna post something else here, but never mind that. How about something light hearted? I wrote this for the Flash Fiction Contest in school today. I competed again. It was interesting. My prompts were as follows;

A pic I didn't really use

My first five sentences had to begin, respectively, with these five letters: S T A R T

I used dog, coffee, rain but nothing else

Also some music, but I mostly ignored it.

Towards the end of the 30 minutes my attention was beginning to wane and I still had to wrap it up, so it might feel a little rushed. But it was a fun experience again. I dunno if I'll do as good this time, but I got second once. It doesn't matter how I do. This is entirely unedited as I ran out of time and I give it to you in its untouched form. Please excuse typos and things and also excuse the title. I came up with it last minute, but now I hate it.

The Sheriff’s Memory

Spring echoed in the woods around him. Trees towering above painted the light green as he listened. A bird sang softly in the distance, trilling a delicate melody of joy. Rascal rolled onto his side, pink tongue dangling from his teeth as a wounded soldier might, waiting for that second wind. Things seemed so peaceful and perfect in this place, it almost made the past seem a dream. But in the woody halls stretching before him endlessly, as if time had never changed them, a nightmare lay.

It was the kind of scene that, if he had written it or seen it in a movie, it would have been a dark and stormy night, lightening ripping the sky open and rain beating their heads into submission. But it wasn’t. The day was bright as it was now, some crows chattering in the background annoyingly, but clear and warm. Early leaves had already left their homes to paint the forest floor and the last fingers of summer played around the edges of their ears even as they stood bundled in jackets. He could feel them all standing around him, their silent presence like shadows that linger over the living though the dead have passed.

And yet 15 years later here he was, in the woods were it had happened. When he was a boy this place had seemed like a wonderland secluded from the real world, and he and his friends had spent every possible moment here. Not far from where he stood he could now here the sounds of the real world steadily encroaching upon what was once a haven. Of course, it hadn’t been that in a long time.

The leaves around his feet were flattened by the recent weight of the snow. Looking at the sodden yellow and dull brown of them, he could almost imagine a small area where a body might have lain. The boys limbs would have trembled like his fingers, like the last leaves of Autumn in a soft breeze, his pants smudged with dirt. Jason could see the twigs sticking in the thick black hair as though he’d just had a good leaf throwing fight. But that was not what it had been.

Nassr had begged a hundred times to be allowed into their games, but they never let him. His parents spoke strange and he could remember his mom muttering about them in September. Nassr ate weird food, not American food, and his mother wore a scarf on her head. They never played with him, not until Tom decided to say yes. He said they would just play sheriffs and outlaws. He said it would be fun. He even let Nassr play the outlaw.

Rascal crashed through the underbrush, jumping onto his master as he bounded by and almost knocking him over.

“Down!” Jason hollered without thinking, and the dog recoiled. “Sorry, boy.” He said a moment later, bending to pat the mutts head. “It’s not you, it’s just…” he sighed heavily. “C’mon. I need some coffee.”

Fool

Hark, How the Week Does Pass!

2008-11-02T18:02:08Z

Hello. I haven't been here in a while. These past few weeks have all been a blur. What is there to say? Well, things are going well with Bo and I, Melissa is just as cute and troublesome as ever, and I am tired and am shirking chores. So pretty much the same.

Election day is coming!! //sarcastic woot// Sorry, but by now I am so sick of politics and politicians and all that horse shit... Yea. I've known for months who I'm going to vote for so I just wanna get it over with and hope that whichever worm makes it into the White House doesn't fuck the country up even more. Don't get me wrong, they both seem like really nice people. But then I remember what they do for a living and how far they have gotten in said profession... yea. So really, I don't trust either of 'em as far as I could throw either of 'em.

Alright, now that my political commentary is over and done with, I can deal with pleasanter stuffs. Halloween was fun. I spent the day as Elphaba, all green and in a black dress, and Melissa was my Galinda. I hung out with her and Bo the whole day, which was great! We had fun trying to find where Chelsea worked so we could go visit her, bought some food and ate it at Melissa's, then we went trick or treating and walked all over the place and by the time we came home Chelsea was on her way from work. After I degreenified myself, the four of us hung out downstairs where we watched "The Crow" with Brandon Lee //sighs// and then "Hocus Pocus". It was a lot of fun. But Chelsea and Melissa had to yell at me because I was unconciously quoting the movie and it was driving them nuts. Then Chelsea entertained us. She was fucking hilarious! I laughed so hard my sides hurt! And it didn't help that I was having a sugar rush from all the candy I was eating. Yea. But we had a great time.

New paragraph!!!! I didn't get home till 2:30 that night! And I slept until 12:00. Which kinda sucked, because I had to drive back to Melissa's house to trade her sweater for my nose medicine after showering and then I had to get something done in my room before leaving to go see Robin Williams. And that was pretty funny! I didn't laugh as hard as I did on Friday, but it was still fucking funny. He looks fatter in person than he does on TV. //shrugs// Afterwards I didn't have much fun, but I don't feel like mentioning that.

//le gaspe// Tuesday is my last Yoga class. So sad! Now I'm not gonna have any reason to go to school on Tuesday's and Thursdays. That sucks!

Hmmm, these Butterfingers are pretty good. And Shadow looks adorable right now, lying in the sun! And I miss my Mandy. And Melissa. But esp Bo. Yea. I'm gonna go now. Stop procrastinating.

Fool

P.S. Must brainstorm about Wine for November contest.

Boston and Bo and Parties, Oh My!

2008-10-27T00:20:59Z

I am the text book definition of exhaustion. So much so that I started this entry yesterday with the same words and am now even more tired than then. Oh, and just forewarning, this is going to be a doosey of a post. I've got a lot to relate.

Yesterday morning I got a total of four hours of good sleep followed by an hour or two of really crappy sleep where I kept on waking up for fear my alarm wouldn't go off. I got up at 4:00 AM to shower and go pick up Bo so that we could be at the school for 5:45 and leave there at 6:00. Where were we going that we had to leave at six? An open house at Emerson College. In Boston. And I was driving. That's right folks, my first road trip! Well, that I was driving for. I followed another guy who knew where we were going. Or had at least driven around Boston before. And I still got lost. Not him, just me. Yup. I'm just that good! Oh well. We ended up getting there alright, but Bo and I got separated during the proceedings. After all, he's a Performing Arts major (the technical side) and I'm a Writing major. //shrugs//

But on our way to the school... we held hands. ^__^

I went to the overview of the Journalism program and thought that I really wasn't all that into it. The Writing, Literature and Publishing program, however, was interesting. But Emerson is really very expensive. And I don't think I'd get in. But it was nice to see.

After a couple hours at the school, we walked to go meet the sister of one of the girls there and she brought us to a nice place for lunch, then gave us directions for the highway. The drive back was uneventful. No getting lost at all. But each way was about two hours. There was an older woman, Tomika, and her daughter in my car as well, but they didn't really say much. So it was mostly Bo and I chatting for two hours straight. We didn't really talk about anything in particular, but that was fine. We had a good time. On the way back, though, I was tired and I had to poke him (literally and figuratively) a few times in order to get him to talk and stimulate me. I would have left him to rest, but I was worried about my mind wandering too much. We got back around, I think, 3:30 or so. I took him to the mall after saying bye to the others and dropping off Tomika so he could get a mask for Britney's Halloween party that night. I was already planning to head over to Melissa's so she could greenify me.

When we were walking around Boston, and in the mall, we held hands. ^__^

I finally dropped him off at his house before 4:30 so that we could both rest before I went to Melissa's and then picked him up. I wasn't home a full half an hour when I got a text from Melissa that concerned me. She said she couldn't be in her house any more. I dropped everything (including the contents of my purse) and ran out the door to bring her home with me. (At this point my parents and sister were at the St. Luke's Greek festival without me, so I had the house to myself for a few hours.) She texted me again saying she needed an excuse to leave, so I called her and told her that I couldn't choose between two awesome costumes and I needed her help for the party tonight. Luckily, I was already on the road and heading towards her house. She loved me very much.

After I rescued Melissa we headed to a dollar store to pick up green makeup and then went to Panera. I got a cup of Chai Tea... It was amazing! Anywho, afterwards I decided to pick up Bo and bring him to my house as well, because it would be easier to get to Britney's party if I had them all there with me. I was going to the party as Elphaba (from Wicked, for those who don't know) and Melissa was a Pink Lady (from Grease). Unfortunately, my parents and sister came home before we even got started on makeup. But it turned out well. Laura was sweet and helpful while I was rushing around trying to get us out of there quickly and trying to spare Bo from my parents. Luckily they were complacent about it and Bo was not at all concerned. He gave a good impression, if a timid one. Which is good. But still, meeting the parents after only one week... Yea.

So the party was great. At first it was kinda weird because we didn't know anybody, and later when people we knew were arriving Bo and I were just so tired from having so little sleep and getting up so early... Yea. Melissa was frantic over the fact that Chelsey and Chelsea and the rest were so late, but mostly Bo and I were sitting together and I was trying not to fall asleep on his shoulder.

We cuddled. ^__^

And then I sat on his lap. ^__^

And I sat on him. ^__^

So it was raining pretty hard around here and the main road that lead from Britney's house to the highway got flooded and was blocked off. People were getting around it, but it was already about 1:30 in the morning and I was very tired. And I don't do well on confusing side streets. Especially not in the dark. I did not feel good driving home. Luckily Britney was already planning to have some people sleep over and it was alright for us to stay. Plus, Melissa did not feel safe going home last night. I didn't want her going home last night. And we had a hell of a time convincing her parents to let her stay. I even tried speaking to her mom, saying that I would be sleeping next to her and keeping an eye on her all night. Her mom didn't believe her and had to call the local police to confirm that there really was a road block. Only then did she say yes. But poor Melissa was so paniced that she would have to go home... She just started crying, and there was nothing I could do. But her mom caved after phoning the police and said she could stay. So we slept over.

We were pretty far apart, but I slept next to him all night and woke up next to him this morning. ^__^

I drove Melissa home alright and was a little late getting home myself, but that's because of what happened after I dropped Melissa off. As soon as Bo got in the front seat with me I had a funny feeling in my stomach. We got to his house without much conversation, but we had spent 24 of the last 28 hours together, so... yea. I parked in front of his house and he just sat there for a long time. For a very long time. Not really saying much and not really looking at me. He kept on stretching and saying he was tired, but I got the feeling he was stalling. I sat there, I teased him, I poked him, and finally I told him that I'd have to go soon to go to church with my parents. That's when he let his head fall to the side on my shoulder, muttering, "Sleepy." I just looked at him, and then...

Then we kissed. ^__^

A very long story, I know, with a very sweet ending! And I haven't done any homework this weekend because of all of yesterday's stuff and then I went to Church and then I went to have lunch with my sister and my step-grandmother and her daughter and grandchildren. At the Greek festival. Which was nice. I came home and crashed for four hours and didn't even wake up till my mom came up to see how I was doing and tell me that dinner was in ten minutes. And now I'm writing this.

Yesterday and today were good days. Very good days. I'm lovin it. And I'm totally loving these tiny delirious moments. With him.

TTFN

There it Goes

2008-10-09T15:45:13Z

My week 1 entry for

brigits_flame is a poem this month. The prompt was that it had to start with the words "There it goes". I have a feeling a lot of people will try a poem, but I didn't like my other ideas. So yea, enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There it goes
All that I am
You take it from me
And give it back again
Tear me apart
And make me whole

There it goes
As the bird child
From the nest
I fly from you to find
A peace of mind
You cannot give

There it goes
A distant thing
Apart from me
Given to you and
Callously cast
Away

Cast me from
The world of your light
Banish me in
Your shadow
To lie in your wake
To fade from your eye

And there I go
I'm far from you
Far and Free

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eep! I just sat down and wrote that so randomly! But I'm pretty happy with it. It's a little bit sad and emo, but it's pretty, I think. Oh well. Hope you liked!

Fool

Memories

2008-10-07T01:31:42Z

This was a late chatter post I did for brigits_flame , the community I'm in, and it came out very philosophical so I decided I wanted to share it. I even got in a "WALL-E" reference! Enjoy.

I hoard memories. Specifically, stuff that reminds me of things.

I think I have this internal fear that if I get rid of even the silliest of things I'll forget it happened, forget it existed, forget my life. And really, life is the only thing we have. It is the most precious. And over time it becomes a collection of little things that bring up memories until they become a memory themselves. So does that mean, if all the little things are thrown away, the life never happened? Does it disappear and cease to exist? Is this why I write, so that when all else is rotting away in a dump-pile of the future and being squirreled into a weird home by a strange little trash compactor robot who builds beautiful buildings out of trash, something of me, in some form, will exist, marking that I lived, that once I walked and breathed and laughed and cried. In a moment I was. In the next I was not.

For now I cling to each notebook, each silly toy, to remind me of my life, that I lived, to be rediscovered with boundless joy only I can appreciate as my life unfolds before me in a fountain of uselessness. But one day they will have no purpose. I will be gone and will not be here to remember and take joy. Will my children hold onto them? Or will they be blithely tossed into a junk pile? Perhaps, as I like to think, they will be sold in future-istic garage-sales and given to children who will not understand the use it has been put to, the life it once shared with another human. And then it will share in their life, be hoarded away in a dark room for years to come to be discovered again and again to infinite joy for life that is lived and remembered. For in the end, that is all we have.

It is a nice thought, bringing at least the memory of my life a little immortality. I have thought about it, and really I would not want to live forever; it would be too sad and lonely. But the idea of disappearing, of having even the memory of my life disappear like so many wasted years, terrifies me. And so I hoard my memories in boxes and bags and great piles of stuff. So that I can live while I am alive, and perhaps one day be remembered when I no longer live.

This is late and highly philosophical, but I just had to write it down. To share.

TTFN
Fool

Just At School

2008-10-02T20:17:36Z

Hello! I'm still in school. Why? I have no idea! I just am. I'm hanging out with Melissa and Creepy Guy and Bo and the Creepy Guy just called us geeks. Yea, Ok! Anywho, I'm listening to music (Lonely Day just came on!!!) and knitting cute little animals (gods, my fingers are killing me!) and just having fun. I really should go home to eat before my acting class tonight, but I don't want to walk all the way to my car with my computer bag and all, so... yea. I'm still here.

Oh! And big thanks to all you out there who commented on my last journal. I was just feeling really sucky and really feeling bad for my friend, and all your love really cheered me up! Thanks all! I adore each and every one of you! ^__^

So, Creepy Guy has been creeping me out. The past few days I've been noticing him looking at me and today I realized it's no coincidence, he is staring. Fuck! I'm not happy about that. But it might be nothing. I hope it's nothing.

Anyways, I've been chatting with Bo a whole lot. My crush has cooled down a ton, but I still think I like him. And ... well, I can't really tell if he likes me or not. //shrugs// whatever. If he does, cool. If not... oh well!

Anywho, I just wanted to give an update. I'm gonna head out! Love!

Fool

In Need of Writing Assistence

2008-08-29T02:10:56Z

HELP ME PLEASE!

Ok, I know you guys don't always respond to these, but I'd really like it if you could this time. Anyone. Say anything! I don't care what! Alright. So as you may know I am a member of the site deviantart and there I find really pretty pictures to gaze at and inspire me. So I wrote this poem inspired by this guy Deeevilish's picture called "i count the days". And I need to know if it's any good before I post it there and he sees it. I really need honest opinions. Is it too strange? Too abstract? Does it make no sense? What? Anything! I'm desperate!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I Count the Days

I count the days… And seek for nights

The cool, dark oblivion of unseeing light

Gleaming on the breast of skin that knows no right

I count the days… and seek for soothing nights

The endless wash of over-zealous sun

Burns my skin and knots my stomach tight

An unbearable truth from which I must run

I count the days… and seek for healing nights

The desperate shade of unbeliever’s hand

Does little to keep me from my plight

Twixt dusk and dawn I roam the land

I count the days… and seek for shadow nights

And if you could, what would you see

I’ve done no wrong, yet I must fight

To lower my hand, should I reveal me?

I count the days… and seek forgetful nights

To see beyond my stranger skin

It would not be, I would take flight

To look in my eye, they do not see their kin

I count the days… and seek forgiving nights

In my life there is so little light

But moonbeam shines in the darkness bright

To give soft beauty to what would otherwise fright

I count the days… and seek for loving nights

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Please answer this one guys! I really need something from anyone! An honest opinion. And the link to his photo is under his title up there at the top, so go check it out. And him. Well, don't check him out, but go look at his stuff, kays? Thanks. Love to anyone who replies and loathing to all who turn away from this! -__- I saw that!

Fool

Archangels and New Ideas

2008-08-29T01:16:54Z

So earlier today I was checking out my friends page here, and what did I see? Rose had posted results for this online quiz she did about which archangel was currently watching out for here. I believe her results were Jophiel? Maybe. Anyways, I checked it out and I decided it would be pretty cool to take. I mean, yea I'm not Christian anymore, but one of the things that always interested me was stuff about angels and archangels and all that 'divine mystery' or whatever you want to call it. Anyways, my results were Raphael, one of the chief archangels. It was pretty cool. So I read through my results, got to the end, and started looking at the links for other results. And you know what? Damn writers ADD struck!

The person who did the quiz wrote something interesting. There are only actually seven archangels, and yet there are ten names of archangels and no way to tell which ones are true or not (as far as I gather). My wheels started turning. I'm not too sure what all the story is, but it's ten kids named after the ten archangels, but only seven of them are good. I'm thinking there's something supernatural with them, maybe they're witches. And no, don't panic, I'm not making them into Puritan satanic witches or anything like that, and it's not really Harry Potter either. Just people with supernatural powers. Well, not just... It's more complicated than that. But I don't know the details yet. They'll appear. Anyways, not sure if they all know that they have these abilities or if only some of them actually practice Wicca or Paganism, (or if I'll even associate a religion to them) but somehow they are all connected, all thrown in together, and there is some 'prophetic' thing that tells of ten great powers. But only seven of them are true. The other three will inevitably betray the others. I already know who the betrayers are, and only one of them can really be constued as evil, but even then, it's more of an Edmund Pevensie evil from "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" but not quite. He's sort of brainwashed into it, thinking it's his destiny. He manages to drag another one of them down, and though she has doubts she follows him, and a third one reveals himself in the end, though he is reluctant to do it. It's pretty thrilling, all jam-packed in my head there. There are two possible romances, one strong friendship, a brother and sister relationship, and a whole lot of heartache as these poor kids deal with the world turning around them.

Michael - (obviously) He's the leader and has a symbol of fire
Raphael - The main character with a wind symbol
Gabriel - Undecided on the gender, but Mike's greatest support and best friend, water symbol
Uriel - A strong lady with a mind of her own, earth symbol

Ariel - Uriel's girlfriend, a beautiful gal who just wants to live her life with Uriel free of this burden, both are Wiccan
Jophiel - A smarmy, sassy girl unafriad to fight for what she believes in, Jeremiel's sister
Israfel - Raphael's good friend, a guy with an eye and an ear for beauty
Raziel - Quiet and kind, loves knowledge and wants to follow a Buddist path, but he is confused by the tidal forces pulling on him
Zadkiel - Uriel's childhood friend, he also follows a Buddist path and tries to guide Raziel, but spends more time helping his friend. Seer
Jeremiel - Seer, overwhelmed by the weight of all that is revealed and tries to take on as much as possible, Jophiel's brother

Anyways, that's my cast. The top four are the 'chief angels' and are guaranteed to be one of the seven. The other six are up in the air. There are only three girls (possibly a fourth depending on what I decide for Gabriel) but that kind of figures. The only question is who is a betrayer and who is true? Hm? I know. I tried not to make it obvious in the descrip but I don't know. And Panda should be excited. I have a lesbian couple. ^__^ They're really sweet together, too. And poor Michael had such a crush on Uriel... until he found out about her girlfriend. HAHA! You can imagine how I can have fun with that!

But yea, I'm going to allow that to ferment, maybe write some stuff. It'll be interesting. Although, at the same time, I'm worried that it could be seen as controversial because I'm using archangels names and some stuff that's really the ravings of a mad man... But I'm with Tolkien. I do not believe in allegory. If I'm going to write something about a thing, I will. I won't hide it, and certainly not in such a poor disguise. It's just an opportunity to exploit mythology for a fun story. Well... I don't know how fun, but...

Anywho, I'm outtie. (I am so weird!)

TTFN
Fool

Lack-Wisdom Teeth and Screwy Servers

2008-08-27T00:16:32Z

Alright! Today is... not so great. I spent most of the morning hours just typing and typing like crazy trying to finish Hanabi's (that's Dimes' nickname) first chapter like I was supposed to days ago and didn't. And I did! I finished it probably about 3:15 this afternoon (working in on it since 9:45 minus a few breaks) and so I went back on to ff.net to upload it... and I couldn't log in! Something's wrong with the server over there, so I'm stuck sittin' on this chapter when it should be going to her and I can't even let her know that it's done because the only way I have to contact her is via ff.net. So if you check this, Hanabi darling, I'm so sorry! I'll send it to you as soon as stupid ff.net is working again.

//sighs// on the bonus side of half-wasted days, I did get to sit around and listen to good music all day. I put on a mix of my Zeppelin, Beatles, a couple System songs, and some new things too; 'Believe' by Staind, Death Cab for Cutie, Badly Drawn Boy, The Killers, also my newest songs 'Samson' by Regina Spektor, 'Matinee' by Hurts to Purr, and 'Trouble' by Coldplay. I know, nothing that's actually new, but it's new for me. Or newly downloaded. It's good stuff. When I started this entry 'Matinee' was on. Now I've got 'Stairway to Heaven'. Oh, the bliss! Zeppelin and Beatles goodness! //sighs//

Alright, so my GW ADD struck again. I started dreaming up a Wufei/Mariemaia fic. I didn't write it though. That would be crazy. No. Instead I sat around all day trying to get on ff.net. Yup. Because that's not crazy. //rolls eyes// Yea.

Oh, and another thing. So, on the bottom, right side of my jaw, all the way in the back, my wisdom tooth is coming through. And it hurts like a b**ch! It's cutting my gum and ... (Ooh! 'Come Together' Good stuff!) the inside of my cheek is swelling because it's not used to the tooth being there and rubbing against it and I'm having a hell of a time trying not to bite it! It's so not cool!

//sighs// Alright, so this was mostly me whining. Sorry. But I'm just kind of hoping Hanabi will see this and know I haven't forgotten or abandoned her! I'm literally waiting on the server. And it sucks. But I have Beatles goodness and sweet guitar pulling at my senses and I can't resist it any longer! Must go and have big, musical orgasm! (yes, I relate music to sex. But in it's own way. ^__~)

TTFN
Fool

P.S. Oh! 'Samson'! Good stuff!

Just Some Stuffs

2008-08-13T19:14:53Z

Your Type is
INFJ

Introverted	Intuitive	Feeling	Judging
Strength of the preferences %
22	38	50	1

Just thought I should share that. I really am very middling on all of it, it said. And it also talked about how a lot of counselors get this. //shrugs// Cool. I like to help people and stuffs. I like my me time, but I enjoy people too, though on more of an individual level. Not so sure about the exact meaning of Intuitive (within this, I mean, not in general), but I know Feeling means I'm pretty sensitive to people. And I'm not very judging. Or at least, I try my darndest to check my judgments at the door. I think I'm more judging than this says, but I do my best not to let it overpower me. But cool! Like I said, just wanted to share. If you guys wanna see what you are check it out here.

On another note I just wanted to share my excitement on something. //ahem// I'M SOMEONE'S BETA! It's cool. Her name's Dimes Wish on ff.net, but don't try to look up her name. For some reason it doesn't work. //shrugs// Try looking up her fic Broken People. It's the very long prologue to the fic I'm beta-ing called I Am (Not) a Coward. Oh, Panda, you'll be proud of me. It's a shounen ai. And I didn't blanch or back away. It actually looks really interesting! Plus there'll be boys kissing! //gushes// Anyways, I'm very excited! I can't wait until I get the next bit from her.

So I've identified two of my muses, though they don't have names. One is my dark, creepy muse that makes me write about abuse, rape, death, and other such sadness. It's kind of creepy and I'm not too sure what it's gender is, so it needs a gender neutral name. Because I'm not about to ask it! //shudders// And then there's my happy bunny muse! She's definitely a girl and she inspires all my lovey-dovey fluff stuffs. I also know that there's my Gladiator muse. Well, I'm calling him a gladiator, but he's also a samurai, a knight, or any other kind of action-related figure. You guessed it, he's my action muse. I'm really tempted to call him Maximus. Maximus and Flora. (Flora is the bunny muse. Well, she changes animals, but she's usually something fluffy) And as for the other one... Shyama. It's an alternate name for the spouse of the hindu god Shiva, known as Krishna. It's a gender neutral name, so it works. And I like the implications. It's either named Shyama or Carey because Carey is derived from Ó Ciardha which means "descendant of Ciardha" or "descendant of darkness". But Carey just sounds so innocent! I'm not sure. What do you think?

View Poll: What Should I Name my Dark Muse?

Cool! My first poll! Now let's see if anyone'll vote! It's all really silly, but I'm curious what people think. Oh, and the names and the info about them came from Behind the Name here.

TTFN
Fool

Lessons in Trust

2008-08-11T22:35:48Z

So yea. Remember when I said I was doing some random work on my old 'yasha fic? Well, last week (at least I think it was) I wrote a prologue for it. Dunno why. It didn't have one before. But yea. I'm slowly working on a rewrite of the first chapter. So anyways, I'm not sure if I like it, but here it is. Tell me what you think.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lessons in Trust: The Miko and the Taiyoukai

Rewritten

By: Honourable Fool

Prologue

Doubt is an old friend I know well. It has spent many long years gnawing away at my heart until it has eaten up a hole there in which to nestle its bloated body, cradled in the tender flesh it draws upon for sustenance. Once it was foreign to me. Once I was a child, confidant and brave and filled with love. But then the love I thought I had… it was gone. A wind sighed through my kitchen window one day and breathed away the presence I had put all my faith in. And just like that he was snuffed out, gone from life, never to return. I didn’t know that then, though. I was a faithful child. I sat at my window, looking out at the ancient, gnarled tree on the far side of the courtyard, and waited. I wonder, now, for how many years I looked, pleading with the Tokyo skies to breathe that wind back my way, that he might return. I know it was a year before I first felt the tentative bites of doubt, tasting my heart for tenderness and flavor. He must have liked what he tasted.

From that moment on doubt was a frequent visitor, always eating his fill, and leaving without word or thanks. I used to wonder if he would not just come to stay. And then I fell down a well.

Now, I shouldn’t say ‘fell’ necessarily, because it was more like dragged. Of course, you might question, “How exactly does one get dragged down a well?” It’s quite simple, really. It was a mononoke in the form of a giant centipede with the upper body and head of a very ugly woman. It’s difficult now to remember exactly what happened, but suffice to say her skeleton managed to snag me and tear at a secret jewel hidden in my side. This jewel not only revived her but transported us both back 500 years into the Sengoku Jidai. That was how I fell in love.

I met a hanyou there with white, furry dog ears and fierce amber eyes. He was coarse and rude and stubborn as all hell, but I loved him. I loved his rough, red haori, the texture so like his personality. I loved his random kindness, not as gentle as I could wish for. I loved his determination, though it bordered on stupidity. I loved him from the moment he begged me to pull the arrow from his heart. Young and naïve, I think I thought that I could heal his heart if over time I poured enough love and caring and gentle words into the wound. This was how doubt made a home in my heart. My devotion to Inuyasha was a feast for the little bugger and he gorged himself delightedly. But still I did not abandon him. You see, I was destined for him and he for me. I had the soul of his former love, how could he not belong to me? I was her reincarnation. Surely I was meant for the same man.

Surely I was wrong. Similar as I was to the woman known as Kikyou, we were not the same. We could never be the same. But I misunderstood this truth as the whispers of doubt, and he only grinned toothily around the remains of his feast and sought to suck up every last crumb.

I was a foolish girl who understood nothing of myself nor of anyone else. I fell in love with a man, no, a half-demon with a hole in his heart and thought that I could mend it. He proved to me that I was not for him. He chose her over me.

When it happened, I knew, I saw, how much of a fool I was. I should have seen it coming. But I refused to listen to my doubt. Now though… now I understand. Doubt plagued every minute of my relationship with Inuyasha. I thought it was only natural. But I have never doubted him. I did not doubt him 500 years ago and I do not doubt him now.

Tokyo is strange to me after so long in the Sengoku Jidai. Sometimes I find myself staring out over the city and trying to trace the remains of Edo, the ancient village I knew so well. But any bones that might have survived are long gone, destroyed by war and advancement, eaten away by time. I sit at my window again, looking out at the gnarled Goshinboku as I did when I was a child. I sit and sigh at the Tokyo sky, begging not for a wind but for a storm, lightening streaking across the western skies, hiding the bloody trail of the setting sun beneath thundering brows. That is what I wish for and in my heart there is no doubt.

Souta pities me. I can see it in his eyes when he’s looking away or when he thinks I’m not looking. I can smell it on him when I sigh and see it in the set of his body. He does not believe my assertion. But I have no doubt. He does not understand how 500 years ago the creature known as doubt was torn from my heart by delicate clawed fingers. He did not feel the lifting of my soul as I stared into that golden abyss, teetering on that silver edge. And he does not need to. I will wait for him and he will come for me. For doubt has no part in our lives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What'cha think? Yea or nay?

Fool

Once: Week 1 brigits_flame

2008-08-05T05:03:08Z

EDIT: Nothing major was changed, but I deleted a few things to make it flow better.

Hey everyone. This is my first entry for the August competition of brigits_flame. The prompt was Shadows of Self. I actually went with one of my first ideas for this one and that was to write with my oldest and dearest character called Lance. At the end of the entry I'll tell ya a bit about him if you want to read, but first I'll show you what I came up with.

No warnings for this one. It's kinda heavy and dark, but it's pretty PG as far as graphics go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once

By: Honourable Fool

Once, I was a boy. A child. Once, I think I was innocent. It’s so hard to remember those times now. I feel old. The weight of years I’ve yet to experience seem to bear down on me, bending my back till my shoulders touch the earth. How will it be in ten years, I wonder, when I know more of the world? But then, I may not live that long.

Once, there was a boy, little more than a child, who believed he could change the world. Was I really him? Almost, I think, I can see him when I walk down the old allies of my past, the ones he knew so well. But he’s just a shadow of what I have become. He knows nothing of the weight of a sword resting in his palm, the familiar kiss of steal to skin, the cold beckoning of death. He doesn’t know the warm chill of a battlefield hard won, the sweat seeping into his hot body, the copper stench of blood churning his stomach, and the distant cries like a murder of crows looming, black and loud, in the distance. He has never seen his face shining back at him in the dull midday sun, staring up at him from the pool of life’s-blood slipping gently from the veins of the man he’d just killed. He never held his friend as he lay upon the shadowed edge, still swearing his unending loyalty, and knew; he had killed him. I killed him. Char.

Once, he was a boy. Pretty in youth and death with a wit that never failed. An unmitigated flirt, even as a child. Char. My friend in life, my loyal officer in death. He loved me and died for it. Perhaps if the boy had known that he would have pushed the princeling away, would have run from him, scorned him, rather than welcome him into his company, rather than lead him to… the end. That end that waits for us all.

Once, I saw a boy. He stared at me from a window with eyes and face I didn’t know. He was me, but I was no longer a boy. Once, I ran down these streets with dirty feet, the evils of my world laid bare before eyes unprepared to see them. Now I ride upon a great horse, a beast as old as I and just as bowed. The faces are dirtier than I remember, their eyes filled with hate. I feel their fire on my back and I hear the whispered word they dare not breathe; betrayer. He runs from me now, a mere shade in the sun, and I alone can see him. The word is on his lips, screaming from his jaded eyes, an endless blue, the bottomless pit of lost innocence. I see him now and I understand.

Once, I was a boy, bright and full of dreams. I dreamed of being a savior, a mighty knight. I dreamed I’d save a beautiful maid from her tower. I dreamed I’d love a princess and become a prince in return. The ironies of the world never cease to amaze me. To live the dreams I had so long ago, to become the savior of a people, was to become but a shadow of that child. It is I who walked away from him, and he’ll not let me forget it. To rise is to fall and soon my end shall come. The boy walks away from me now, and he leads my eye to the shadowed edge looming so near, like a murder of crows on the horizon, loud and black and deep as that endless blue.

Once, there was a boy. He stood tall to a cowardly soldier and defiance sat in his hand. A holy man crowned him with thoughts of glory and salvation and his shoulders were draped with the fealty of those who followed him to the shadowed edge. Once, this child raised his hand for the sword of his fathers, reaching beyond himself for a world not meant for him, and he cast a great shadow upon the earth with his dreams. From there I came, the shadow of his dreams.

One day I will stand upon the silver shores and will be a shadow no more.

My heart pounds in my breast, the blood thrumming in my ears. Beneath me Excalibur shakes his head. Behind me my men joke and talk and make light of their own existence. Beside me Peter is silent, but I do not need to hear his voice to know his thoughts. Beyond me the shade of a boy looks out from the shadows, waiting to return to the sun. Soon, I tell him. But not yet. Not yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So another 1st person POV! What's up with this? I think all my entries have been in this POV. I don't know why, though. I mean, I'm not surprised Lance came out this way. He used to be entirely in 1st person. I'm trying to shift him out of it, but he's resistant.

Anyways, Lance was the first character I ever came up with. His character is one that has been developing for years (since I was 11 or 12) and believe me, there's no one nearer or dearer to my heart. This is him reflecting on himself and the path he's taken, the hero's path he thought he wanted. Cliffnotes: Lance was an orphan taking care of his sister among the street urchins in the capital city of his country. (it's not named //grimaces//) When he got a bit older he became the leader of a small rebel "gang" who, as they grew up, became true rebels harassing the corrupt king and his greedy soldiers. But the king manages to have his sister kidnapped, Lance's one weakness, and kills the monks who gave him and his men refuge. He forces Lance to work for him, instead of against him, for the life of his sister, and Lance complies, becoming everything he hates in order to fight another day and to save his sister.

Man! Cliffnotes version doesn't even come close to the depth of the story, the turmoil, the tragedy, the beauty... I feel like I'm selling him short! And there really is so much more to the story I haven't even mentioned yet! But I'm just trying to give you a bare idea of who he is. //sighs// It felt so good to don him again, to write and speak with his voice, to adapt his habits, to see with his eyes a world that exists only in my mind... His voice is so clear in my head!

Anyways, I'll let you tell me what you think now, if you read all this, and do please leave a comment! I love to read them.

TTFN
Fool

Half-Blood Prince

2008-07-30T17:41:01Z

Oh. Oh! OH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

//BREATHES// //breathes// //sighs//

Ok! I'm ok! I just ... I saw... and it was... ... OMG! I just saw the very first trailer for "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

//AHEM//

Yes. It was good. Very good. OMG! Ok! Calm thoughts. Mm-hm! OMG! I might just die! //gasp in a bucket// Hee! Hee hee! hooooooooo! Kay.

Yes, it was featured on comcast so I looked at it. I watched it. I screamed. For a very long time. I bounced. I watched it again. I screamed again. Yea. Then I came here. Oh man! Oh man oh man oh man! I can't wait. I'm gonna die. I'm not gonna be able to take this. Actually, I'm not gonna die, but ........... Fuck! Shit! Damn it! Crap in a Bucket! OH MAN!!!!!!!!! I can't take it!

Rabid.................

FAAANGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TTFN
Fool

(P.S. I'll be ok, folks. I swear!)

Sun on Golden Hills

2008-07-30T15:26:41Z

So I've been lurking in the shadows of a certain site called DeviantArt ever since Panda showed it to me a while ago and recently I've been going back there a lot. So I made myself an account there, favorited a lot of great works and wrote a poem. o_O I didn't mean to write a poem, I just kinda... did. Anyways, it's pretty cool, I think. But it hasn't been edited. Anyways, I suck at editing poetry! But yea. So you guys should go check out the site because there is some AMAZING art over there and here's my poem!

The Sun on Golden Hills

By: Honourable Fool

The Sun on Golden Hills does shine

And I must to that distance go.

It gleams, the jewel, the crowning glory

Of Kings far gone in tales forgotten

But calling softly on winds of Jade,

From sleeping canopy, lofty, stirred,

I am now set forth on high

To find the love which Hearts do cry for

Descent into the Shadowed Vale where

Moon and moon beast hungrily cry

For far above in eagles heights

The soul is stirred, is stirred and beckoned

“Forth come, brave knight, aye, gallant maid,

Unto these shimmering halls. Know not

What lies behind thee, Seek

The rest of Golden arms.”

Oblivion Seek, and turn away

Thy haggard face from light of day.

Do not remember the world ye knew

For all is but the memory of….

A whisper on the wind.

Scratching hand on peeling wood,

Cousin once remembered

“No more” she cries, “No more”

I look into the Shadowed Vale and See

My world is night.

Vision true or Dream now blurred

This world shall come to pass.

But I will sit in stony silence

And breath the sweat Jade wind.

For I forsook the Land of Ash

For the Sun on Golden Hills.

Wow! It's poetry and it's... well... It's not dark! It's actually.... Happy! Yea. So, let me know what you think, and yea.

TTFN
Fool

P.S. OMG Sesshoumaru picture! Hott!

o_O Another Heero and Relena

2008-07-29T20:47:07Z

Hang a Star for Me

            Around her the world was disappearing until all that existed were those eyes, deep pools endlessly swirling around her. She saw the dance they played, the steps bringing him within the reach of her hand, but always he spun away from her at the last moment. Just there, so close, weaving into and out of her life until she could no longer see where she began and he ended. Perhaps it had always been that way, perhaps he had always been just there, breathing behind the thin grey veil of her dreams, waiting for her to push it aside. Was it he that sat and whispered to her in the dark night until her mind became but a shadow of his will? Maybe all this was part of some elaborate plan meant to entrap her.

            Well if it was, she thought, it was working and she didn't care. Because with every passing second those eyes drew her in deeper, drowning her in those dark pools where moonlight was veiled but silver starlight, wary and pale, filled the world with hidden shadows and blinding beauty. Inside his eyes there gleamed the void of outer space, the massive expanse of another world foreign to her world of sunsets and golden sand on the beach, where the sea stretched endlessly, reaching up to kiss the sky, but only ever finding the heated brow of the sun. She wondered if that made him a creature of the night and she of the day. But really she was a two-fold creature, wandering between night and day, while he was of neither. For in his world there stretched only endless nothing with gleaming stars hanging just beyond reach, so far away and yet ever present.

            Did that make him empty? No. He was anything but empty. How many people fill up their space with meaningless nothings? In truth, too many. But he does not feel that need. He exists in a world beyond her own, allowing himself to exist as he is. And deep within him, beyond reach but ever present, he hangs in his endless sky those things that are most important, gleaming stars so easily misunderstood by those that see them, but loved by he who placed them. She wondered now if she had a star placed with care within his heavens. For her, though, he would always have his stretch of golden sand, deep blue waters lapping gently at his feet. She would always remember him there, where first she found him and first she loved him. He would always be there for her, in her heart.

            Her head tipped to the side a little as his lips moved softly, a small move, the deep rumble of his words washing over her, though their meaning was lost in her mind. Would it always be this way? Would she always be able to look across from her and see those endless eyes pulling her into him? Or would they change, his endless sky filled with stars? Would she always have a place within him? Or would there be a day when she did not fall but remain firmly on the ground? Such a day would break her heart. She had known from the moment she first looked into his midnight eyes that he could either save her or cast her lower than even the fair lady Luthien was forced to fall. He could be her salvation or her damnation and she had put that power in his hands by loving him so much. She was a fool, she knew it, and looking into his eyes she could see, even from here, the cold rocks surrounding his heart that she would be dashed against, could feel their biting jagged edges tearing at her body if she tried.

            He blinked and the vision was gone. No, he wouldn't do that to her. He had chosen, just as surely as she had chosen to put her faith, her life, in his hands. Even now the arms of his love calmed and surrounded her, protecting her and shielding her as no one else could. She was safe and felt it in her heart. He had hung for her a star in his gilded skies and that was that.

            The justice turned to her and said, "And do you, Relena Stephanie Darlian, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The sound of his warm voice broke her from her thoughts, reminding her of the world again, and now she felt the tears in her eyes. Not far from her she could hear the snuffling of Lucrezia and Hilde and just beyond his midnight blue eyes she saw Duo "scratching his nose". She wondered if Milliardo was dry-eyed as well, but she couldn't look at him. Before her was the man she had dreamed of for the past eight years, beautiful and real and loving her. She had been broken from her thoughts, but nothing now could break her from him. Not now. Not after she spoke the words that had been but a ghost on her lips ever since he first asked her. Not ever again.

            As she opened her mouth to speak the words, a smile came unbidden to her lips and she didn't fight it. "I do." she whispered and he seemed to breathe the words into himself, those deep, endless eyes imprinting ever second of this moment in his meticulous mind. He always wished to be perfect.

            "By the power vested in me," the justice was saying, but she wasn't listening. All she could see was the way he blinked too much, the way the corners of his mouth couldn't decide where to place themselves, the way his eyes were completely lost in her own.

            Without thinking, she mouthed, "I love you." and saw his breath hitch.

            Slowly, the seconds stretching endlessly, he smiled, gently, and just for her alone. His lips parted and he mouthed, "I love you." Her heart was practically singing with the force of its own pounding and she felt, if a person could die of happiness, she would right then.

            "...I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

            He did not need further prompting. Stepping forward with that old quickness and sureness of foot that made him so deadly, he had her in his arms, smiling as her tinkling laughter cascaded all around them in the small chapel. And then he was kissing her, sure and deep, and in a distant part of her mind not completely lost in his kiss, she heard Duo whooping and catcalling inappropriately. The kiss was, most reluctantly, cut short for the sake of their friends, and then she was gazing up into his face and he was grinning at her, more beautiful than anything she'd seen before.

            "I love you, Heero!" she said for him alone to hear.

            He pulled her upright, then bent down to her ear and whispered, "I know." and she had to refrain from smacking his arm. He always knew. He had known that she loved him before she had known it herself, known that she had wanted him before she knew how to say it, and he had known she would say yes before he even asked. He always knew, and she loved him for that too.

            Gripping his arm gently, they walked down between their friends, Hilde giving Duo a smack when he was within reach, Lucrezia soothing her brother from his half-hearted annoyance, and Pagan burying his nose in his kerchief. It was small, but it was perfect. Perfect enough for a princess and her soldier.

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Wow. o_O That was not what I set out to write here. Huh. I didn't expect that. But then, I'm glad I did it. What did you guys think? Was the ending too sappy? Did I try too hard? What, if anything, was wrong with it? It hasn't gone through any editing because I just wrote it right here in the post without meaning to. But maybe if y'all liked it I can clean it up and send it to ff.net. Hm. I think I'll also give you this to compliment it.

TTFN
Fool

(P.S. Edit: I just came up with the title. Yea or nay? I'm not sure.)

Alive and Fanfictioning

2008-07-29T02:16:33Z

Alright! I am alive! Do not ask me where I've been, because I don't know. It's been... well, yea. Anyways, I'm working on stuff again, a bit tentatively, but there you are. I sort of got lost for a time there in some "Inuyasha" fandom, mainly a Sess/Kag fic by Resmiranda called "Tales of the House of the Moon". It was a really good story, very well written, and only just bested by Zapenstap herself by way of writing because sometimes she got me thoroughly lost in flashback and I forgot where we were in the story. And yes, I realize I like Zapenstap for a completely different fandom, but even more than that she is just a purely brilliant writer. I just wish to hell I was familiar with the other fandom's she wrote in so I could read them too and not be lost. Like this "White Rain" from "Naruto" she keeps talking about... Oh well. But yes. Resmiranda is a very good writer and I should probably check out her more recent 'Yasha stuff to see if her style has improved since "House of the Moon".

Oh, and speaking of Zapenstap, I am just dying over here! She wrote last week that she'd have chapter 11 of "Final Mission Status" up by the end of last week, then over this weekend, and now silly Mizaya still has it and apparently won't give it back! Or at least, not soon enough for my liking. //dramatic sigh// Oh well. I have no doubt that the Gundam Wing bunnies, that somehow went slightly dormant, will suddenly be back in full drive again once I read the next chapter. Zapenstap has the power to do that to me. So, sorry about that. You know, the being dead and all. Let's fix that now, ne? And hope it doesn't happen again? I think so.

Anyways, in the mean time I have been having tentative ideas about picking up my "Lessons in Trust". //winces// GAK! How can I think that? How, when I've left Heero and Relena and Duo and Hilde and Trowa and Quatre and Wufei and Sally (Hee! I wrote the boys names in numerical order on accident!) all hanging where I left them? Dammit! While I was dead, though, I did some more thinking and planning on my Wufei/Sally fic. I'm not sure what it's called yet, but it's a love story that deals with an old flame and former betrothed. And no, I do not mean Meiran. (I'm choosing to use the 'r' in her name because I think she must have one of those weird letters that sounds in between an 'r' and an 'l'.) Anyways, the story is pretty complicated because I'm making up Sally's history. It's actually pretty good, if I do say so myself. It's all mapped out how the story will jump back and forth, chapter by chapter, between the "present" and specific events and times in Sally's past, all of which have defined her and made her in to the woman we know and love in the series. As far as voice and cadence goes, I do try and temper a little bit between the two voice actresses, but I tend to lean a bit towards the second one for Sally. In the beginning, when she's a little girl, I think I give Sally a bit more of the softer voice's personality, while, as she gets progressively older, she slowly starts to exhibit the gruffer, more laugh-easy tone of the second voice. I don't know if that's strange or not, but they gave me two options, and I'm going with it! But it's fun, throwing in random Chinese here and there, working with some very Chinese names and then working with some very not Chinese names. For example, she has a younger brother by the name of Po Bai. Actually, most of her siblings names are traditional Chinese with the exception of herself and one of her sisters. In my fic Sally's name really is Sally, though she has a family nickname of Sai or Sai Lei. But that's not her name. Her sister is named Lily. Not very Chinese. The rest of her family is. As I said, there's Bai, and then there's Li and Taiwei, all boys, and then for girls there are, other than Lily and herself, Chen and Mei. Meet the family Po by Honourable Fool! Anyways, there's also an OC love interest by the name of Zhang Lian. He's not completely Chinese, but then neither is Sally. Sally's mom is half American and passed her blue eyes to three of her children and blonde hair to one. Lian's father is Chinese, like Sally's, but his mother is an Asian mix, most prominently Japanese, where he gets the name Lian. //giggles diabolically// At the end of this I'll copy and paste this one cool part I wrote, just a sentence or two from one of the chapters from Sally's past.

Anyways, ... Geez, I say that a lot! Now it's starting to get on my nerves! I've gotta come up with another word.

Non-Sequiter! Hee! ... Ok, I spent so much time fighting with the oxford dictionary site that I forgot what I was going to say. Something about looking things over... I think it was Remix. Er, sorry, "A Week to Remember". I call it Remix in my compy files because that's far quicker to type then the actual title. I shorten things. Or do them quickly. Or just get lazy. You know. Mm. Lazy good. Wait, didn't I just read that somewhere? //grins// Kk. But yea. I have gotten into some heavy editing there and I got to the end of the first chapter. Dunno when I'll be able to rewrite and send out for beta, but... it's gonna happen one of these days... one of them. Anyways, my friends have been more productive then I have. Morganeth has already gotten out five chapters of "Quiet Celebrations". I don't think I mentioned that to anyone. She posted it as a oneshot from the prompt "fireworks" and when I reviewed it I started spewing off an idea about Heero being injured. I managed to inspire her and she continued it. I'm psyched! It's really good and I've enjoyed reading it! And Heero is a butt-face! Except, well, he's not! But dammit! Why must he be so stubborn? Any...who... It's really good. And she's an excellent writer. So y'all should go check out her stuff. She's Morganeth Taren'drell on ff.net. She also writes "Doctor Who" but I haven't read much of that fandom. Anyways, ... CRAP! ... thejasonresno also managed to get out a cute oneshot called "Ghost" and finish "When it Rains, it Pours" which had me snickering all the way through. I just loved the chip-obsessed Trowa! And Quatre! And, "You're going to shoot him?" And, "I don't want to know what you were doing." And,

DUO MAXWELL

You guys should check him out too. I haven't read either of his horror fics but "Sunday Simplicity" is absolutely to die for and "When it Rains, it Pours" is just hilarious for anyone who is familiar with the characters of Gundam Wing. Oh! And my dearest Rose gave some lovely updates a while ago on "Love is a Battlefield" with some happy happy Wufei in it! Which... OMG! I just checked and I never sent that response to her on that fic! Crap! Well, I know what I'm doing when I'm done here! Any ... who... That one's another funny one. Silly boys and their silly tendencies to really mess up their relationships! //giggle// Makes me wanna squirm and laugh and huggle 'em all! Although! Now that I've said that, in Quatre's relationship it's Dorothy that's messin with things, isn't it? Oh ho! ... Yea, that's one I have trouble wrapping my mind around. Maybe I should try exploring it in a fic... But y'all should check her out. Oh, and "Bel Niente nella Guera" by Darkwood. She just got an update up and I gotta say it's killin me slowly. The chaps are just too short! I want more! It follows Baronessa Lucrezia Noin when she was a young woman training to join the Specials in the Alliance military. It also gives a nice view of a young Zechs Marquise, the disguised and disgraced Milliardo Peacecraft, and young Treize Kushrinada himself. How lovely. It doesn't seem to be following Episode Zero at all as Zechs wouldn't have his helmet yet. But he does. Dunno. Anyways, it's well written, and despite the Italian name and random smatterings of Italian, all of which are translated, it is all in English. So yea. Go check that out, too. Darkwood herself isn't the most chatty. I've never had her respond to any of my reviews in any way. But her work's still worth reading, I think, if you want some quality writing. And I know it can be hard to find on ff.net.

Let's see. What else can I promote? Or who else? Hm. No one that's had any recent activity comes to mind... But my mind is returning to 'Yasha stuffs again. I dunno if I want to work on it or not. I don't know the cannon and I am not going to spend bucket loads of moneys on it. However, the guilt of unfinished work is eating at me. Maybe in my free time I'll work on it, but won't update it right away. The only thing is that my recent thinking on it has carried me along a fairly, er, darker road. Well, not darker, but more, er, explicit. I think I may have to load full chapters onto aff.net (adultfanfiction), something I've never had to do before. I don't know why, but my sexual side seems to come out strongly when it comes to the inuyoukai of my dreams. I've looked at aff.net out of curiosity before (ain't gonna deny it) but I've never tempted the idea of posting there. Of course, I played around with writing sensual things in high school just to drive my friends mad, but I always chickened out before it came to the actual sex part. But I think it is a necessary element in this story. You know, esp. with Kagome being Sesshoumaru's sex slave and all... o_O Now, don't go all panicky on me here! It's not as bad as it sounds! And I realize it sounds pretty bad! But in the beginning she doesn't want to be and Seisshou-chan has no taste for rape, so although he asserts domination over her and takes her to his castle //gulp// nothing happens. You see, I did forget a lot of the original story, but what did remain seemed like an excuse to have sex. So I've figured out a bit more stuff and have come up with some good ideas. First of all, though he teases her and attempts to seduce her, they never actually sleep together for a very long time. And in the process of seducing her he also gets "seduced" into a friendship with her. That is how they fall in love. Because they do fall in love before they ever "do the deed" as it were. In fact, it's brilliant! She refuses him and unknowingly hurts him. But he won't admit how he feels even to himself and so doesn't understand the things he does or says or feels. And so... should I say it? Naw! I'll torture you all! Haha! Panda! I can see you squirming!

Anywho, that's all "Lessons in Trust: The Miko and the Taiyoukai". I kinda mostly wrote a oneshot about Shippou and Kagome that takes place present day, but I haven't done anything with it yet. I may eventually finish and edit it, make it a real tear-jerker, and get it onto ff.net. But that's all tentative. I also started to write a Heero oneshot from the prompt "Heavy" that I got from brigits_flame a while ago. You remember, right? Maybe? Anywho, I never finished it, but I want to. Because it's good! And I need to utilize the edits lacombe gave me and adokowa and do an edit on "Shock".

You know, I think that had a big part in my death. I really scraped the reserves of my soul for that piece and allowed myself to be so disappointed when I failed to get to the next round that it piled on top of the other crap that I was already carrying and so was the proverbial "straw" to my "camels back". You know? Damn catalysts! But I shouldn't have let it get to me so bad. Bad me! Bad fool! Arghah! (<- that's the noise I make at my cat when we play. I couldn't figure out how to onamattapia that one (and no, I don't know how to spell that word and I couldn't find it on any site and I'm sorry but I don't feel like digging up my old poetry papers to tell me how).)

But yea. Non-sequitur. I think this post has gotten pretty damn long so I'm gonna cut out. Ooh! But before I go, here's the teaser from my Wufei/Sally fic. This is from Sally's past. And I'll cut it so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. One mo'...

Yellow lights were very low to the ground, I could see, and we waited for some time for the streak that always preceded the brightly colored explosion. Instead a resounding, echoing boom made its way up the hill side, bending the boughs of great trees before it like the legions of worshipers that used to bow before the ancient emperors, the leaves parting like so many slippered feet on glistening marble and polished wood, and entered into our little room, filling it like some bloated ruler, the Jade Emperor himself or Lord Yu the Great. I never forgot how that sound resonated in my very soul, how it cut with the grace of a mallet straight through my childhood with the knowledge that this was no firework, but that just down the hill from our home, beyond the village I had grown up in, a man had just died while we watched the pretty lights.

I almost put the whole paragraph, but I think this is enough to get the general idea of it. Anyways, ... DAMN! ... I gotta go message Rose.

TTFN
Fool

Heath Ledger's Final Curtain

2008-07-27T03:38:05Z

So I just got back from seeing "The Dark Knight". First: I love Batman! Panda, Christian Bale has managed to do what you never could, and that is to convert me. Yup. Second.... My dearest Heath. I realized just now that Heath was forgotten on my last Meme. I can't believe that! I'm not sure now what the list would have looked like, but Crowe may have been evicted. Anyways, the movie got through, and me and my mom are the kinds of people who like to sit there through the credits, and I mean all the names, and I swear I cried through most of them. I felt sad when the lights went down. The theatre went dark and the WB signia went up and I turned to mom and whispered, "This is Heath's last performance!" and she just nodded. But I watched the whole film (and it was amazing!) and at the end, the credits started to role and it just hit me! I'd never see another film by him again. And I started to cry. I couldn't stop. I mean, full on weeping! My heart just felt so sad. He was so young and so talented and just an awesome person (or so he seemed to me) and I just... wept. I kept on thinking of the first film I saw him in. It was "A Knights Tale". It's an odd sort of almost irony, then, that the last movie he ever made was "The Dark Knight", non? Mais, oui, pour moi. (translate: But, yes, for me.)

Heath Ledger's performance really was amazing. I did not recognize him. His hair was familiar at times, and I recognized his hands when I saw them ungloved, but he was a different man on that screen than I'd ever seen before. He was purely brilliant and creepy. He had a calm, cool sort of insanity and the intensity to look absolutely massive onscreen and then move with such sudden agility that was purely frightening. He completely lured you into the makeup; the black rimmed eyes, the cracks around the edges, the grinning red mouth... and his tongue darting out with frightening abandon to lick at his own face, making what on any other level could be a sensual movement animalistic, grotesque, and crazed. And he laughed to chill your bones. He completely pulled you into his madness until you couldn't escape it, until you felt yourself cracking a little bit too.

It's all so heart-wrenching! For me, at least. But then, I am the kind of person to weep for a total stranger. I managed it at Grandpa's funeral. But then, I may have been weeping for me... Anywho, not thinking about that!

So my inner little boy is ecstatic and thrilled! He got to see a movie full of explosions and violence and rockin' car chases, men in capes with gadgets, hidden identities, sweet cars, awesome explosions, and my girly side was satisfied with the presence of a good plot! I have to compare it to the 3rd Spiderman. (Bear with me! This is good!) You see, in both these films there are a multitude of plots, each going its own way, and all of them connected. However, unlike the 3rd Spiderman, in Batman the plots were well-balanced, carefully managed, and altogether well-put-together! It was an amazing film that I never wanted to end! I wanted to immerse myself in it forever and never leave! Plus, perhaps a part of me felt that, if I never left, Heath Ledger would still be alive to play the Joker, to play another role of any sort. It seems silly to mourn a man I never met, but he ... I guess, it is the silliness of being a movie watcher. You sit on the sidelines, watching all these actors, seeing interviews, reading about them, following their career... After a while they become Heath, Gerard, Brad, Tom, etc. You feel connected to them, you feel like you get to know them and forget that really, all you see is a man in a mask on a screen. You become attached to the idea of them. So when something real happens, something like them dying, when it hits you irrationality takes over and you mourn them like you've lost a friend, someone near and dear to you. It's easy to forget that they are human, or easy to forget you don't actually know them, until it smacks you over the head, and you find yourself crying in a dark movie theatre after a film that did not end sadly.

Oh my gosh! I started rambling! Geez! I guess I'm just feeling really sentimental. Well, I got the mental part right at least. Anyways, for anyone that hasn't heard from me... I'm having issues. But I'm not gonna give excuses. I hope to right things soon, and you can pester me if you like, but I can't guarantee that'll help. I need... something that I haven't found yet. But just so you don't feel too discriminated against, I'm doing this with everything in my life. So it's not just you. I'm... well, I need to get things in order. But I send my love. To all of you!

Fool

5 Orgasmic Days!

2008-07-23T04:18:18Z

I would SO do the deed with any of the following! (esp. number one!)

1) List 5 celebrities you wouldn't mind meeting and spending a day with (that's a separate day for each ^__^).
2) Put them IN ORDER of your crush for interest in them [5 - 1, 1 is the hottest].
3) Supply photos for said people.
4) Say which movie/show/thing it was that hooked you.
5) Tag five people: goddessofsexy, nightangel15, kevingrady13, arturus (if you'd like) and krinklecut41490.

5.) Dominic Monaghan: First seen in 'Lord of the Rings' as Merriadoc Took and never seen anywhere else. Seriously. I never saw 'Lost'. During my long standing obsession with the Hobbits, however, I looking into Dom as himself and he is a really cool, nature loving guy. With an accent. OMG! He has such a weird accent, though, because he's lived in Germany and in England so it mostly sounds English but with a twist. He's funny and sweet, a real environmentalist, loves to crack jokes (esp. at his friends' expenses) and is great at doing different accents and impersonating people's voices. Dominic Monaghan is love. (Seen below with his pet leaf-mantis Gizmo)

4.) Johnny Depp: The only American on my list. First seen as Captain Jack Sparrow and was highly unimpressed with his looks. Then I saw such movies as (though I no longer remember what came first) 'Chocolate', 'Sleepy Hallow', 'Edward Scissorhands', 'Secret Window', 'Corpse Bride', 'From Hell', 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory', and God, I don't know what else! He is an amazing, versatile actor (not to mention cute!) I have mixed feelings about the picture below because, as you all know, I am personally against smoking. However, the presence of the piano and the artistic-ness of it ... Sorta melts my resolve every time! And you know, I am a sucker for a piano-playing man! And after my escapades into clove-smoking Trowa land... Mm-hm! Anyways, back on subject. I'm not sure if Johnny would actually be a great guy to meet as I have heard mixed reviews about his personality off camera, but as an actor... how can you not include him! He rocks! (wow! fangirl much?)

3.) Russell Crow: Ah, yes! My dear Captain. I say that because I first saw him in 'Master and Commander'. Since then I have seen 'A Beautiful Mind', 'Cinderella Man', 'Il Gladiatore' (my 'Gladiator' is an Italian disc... ask if you only really want to know), '3:10 to Yuma' and 'American Gangster'. No matter what role he plays, he owns it. Completely. Like Johnny (and as I meant to say for Johnny) he knows how to make each character, each role he plays, uniquely his own so that (unlike with certain Brad Pitts of the world) you never see him, all you see is the character. Now, I will admit that even the Brad Pitts of the world (not solely restrained to Mr. Pitt himself) do have their moments and their films where the pretty face manages to hide behind a mask. But with the Johnny Depps and the Russell Crowes of the world, you get a completely new face every time. You never see the same guy twice. And you can completely lose and immerse yourself into whatever role he's chosen. It's pure brilliance. (eep! Australian accent and an adorable smile? DEAD on the spot! Steady, heart, we have two more to go!)

2.) Christian Bale: ... My first love. First seen (OMG!) so many years ago in the Disney Channel movie 'The Newsies'. Oh, my dear, sweet Cowboy! I loved him! I did! With that "hoity-toity", daring you to hit him, hang lip and that smug New York accent and that gleam in his eye that says, "You can't catch me 'cause I'm already gone." Oh, I loved him! And if you haven't seen that movie GO SEE IT NOW!!!! He's so cute! And he sings! And dances, did I mention the dancing yet? Oh! Be still! My heart! //sighs// Since then I've only seen him in 'Batman Begins' but I'm dying to see 'The Dark Knight'. I'm not sure what kind of actor he is (considering the all of 2 films I've seen him in) but he just seems like he'd be a really great guy. I love the fact that he's so private and doesn't let all that media stuff touch him or his family, and I've been so pissed off the past few days seeing tabloid stuff on him! I respect the guy so much! Oh! And I just remembered he was in '3:10 to Yuma' as well! Oh! He was amazing in that! And then... he! OH! //gasp// Yes, wayy too emotional, here! Anyways, I respect him for his stance on the media being too intrusive, on wanting to just do his job to the best of his abilities then go home to his little girls (I think he has girls) ... sorry, one girl. Not multiple. And now that I look him over on imdb (amazing place for film - check it out!) I have seen him in other things I forgot he was in! 'Reign of Fire', 'The New World' ... kay, I think that's it. But it just goes to show he also rocks at that whole "molding into the character" thing I was mentioning for Depp and Crowe. Anyways, on to number 1... Eep! (perhaps not the best pic, but my fav of the ones I have of him.)

And now, the moment you've all been anticipating... (or at least I have)...

1.) Gerard Butler: ACH!!! Beauty! Love! Scottish wonderfulness! And a voice! And a bod! And Just... ACH!!! //gets ahold of self// Right! First seen as the Phantom in, you guessed it, 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Actually, that's not true. But that's when I fell for him. Previously I saw him in 'Lara Croft: Cradle of Life' in which, when rewatched, his role was disappointing. As was the film, so no surprise there. Oh well. Since then I've seen 'Butterfly on a Wheel' (ugh! Don't see! his American accent sucks!), 'Timeline', 'P.S. I Love You', '300', 'Reign of Fire' and 'Dear Frankie' (amazing! must see for a good Gerard flick!). Gerard is the official love of my life. Born in Glasgow, Scottland, he has the most beautiful accent ever. He's a very decent actor (I'm not naive enough to say he's better than those lower on my list, but just shallow enough to not care) who nonetheless commits himself to his roles even if the films aren't that great or anything. However, the only thing I've hated him in was 'Butterfly on a Wheel' and really that film had a sucky plot once everything was revealed and it was the whole 'What Lies Beneath' thing my sister had. I don't like my man turning into the bad guy. Esp on a low budget film that forces him into a poor American accent and doesn't even pull off his badness well. Nope. Sexy badness: one thing (and a good one at that!). Bad badness poorly pulled off: Uh-uh! I don't think so! Anyways, I adored him in 'Dear Frankie' and he really made me want to cry and beat him on the chest and cry, "Don't go, you dumb bastard!" Of course, mostly I just wanted to put my hands on his nice, well-filled out chest, but... that's just hormones. I think... Anyways, He has gleaming moments and he has... less than gleaming, but through it all he is handsome and Scottish and somehow, in interviews and on the screen, he always just eludes this air of good-naturedness and ... I don't know. There is something about him that attracts me beyond the Scottish and the funny and the sexy and the good looking that I just can't quite describe. It's just... that thing. Mm-hm! I love him! And I want a scottish boy now. More than life itself. I just want him to talk to me! Damn! I should be less shallow. Oh well! (Ok, picking the image was hard. I wasn't satisfied with any of mine so I got a few new ones and... here they are!)

Oh! The wonderfullness! The last one is from 'Timeline', his character is called Marek. He's brilliant in that role! And Scottish! Ooh!

Sadly unable to fit on the list runners up? James Mcavoy, Patrick Stewart, John Stewart, Billy Boyd, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Jim Sturgess, and so many others that are brilliant actors that I just couldn't fit! Posthumously, of course, I would have to go literary on you and say; Tolkien and Austen. Beyond that, died and gone to heaven? Oh yea!

TTFN
Fool